Gundam Wing Songfics
by Rose Thorne
Summary: My Gundam Wing songfics. Shonen ai, various pairings.
1. I'll Be Missing You 71901

I'll Be Missing You

by Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: The song _I'll Be Missing You_ belongs to Puff Daddy, Faith Evans, 112, and anyone else who helped to produce it. Gundam Wing belongs to all those who helped produce the series.

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_Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show   
I laced the track, you locked the flow   
So far from hangin on the block for dough _

[Heero looks at the open grave, watching as the casket is lowered. A look of emense sorrow crosses his face and is gone, lingering for merely a second. _Duo..._ The baka had self destructed. And everyone had thought Heero would be the one to do that. Heero flops down on the bed and closes his eyes, not bothering to remove the black suit that Duo would've loved to see on him. Duo...He had been so alive just the day before, laughing maniacally as he operated the Deathscythe, bringing death to all those who got in his way. Heero's partner, as it were. Partner in more ways than one... _No. Don't think about it..._ A rare tear slips past Heero's defenses as he remembers violet eyes and a warm smile. Happiness...Now dead...]

_Notorious they got to know that   
Life ain't always what it seems to be   
Words can't express what you mean to me _

[The look on their targets' faces when they see the Gundams. The terror they caused in OZ. It was almost a game with Duo. Duo...who regarded everything as a game, whether it was or not. Now it was just work. The Perfect Soldier was back to mindless killing. No partner to roll his eyes at or smile for. No friendly teasing. All work. Heero lies in his bed, knowing it's pointless. Another sleepless night to chalk up. A sigh escapes his mouth as he realizes that he never told Duo how he felt. Three little words, and he hadn't said them... _I'm such a fool..._]

_Even though you're gone, we still a team   
Through your family, I fill your dreams   
In the future, can't wait to see   
If you open up the gates for me _

[Heero rises after yet another sleepless night, then sits at the dest with his laptop, transferring funds for another mission. Duo would have wanted him to continue the fight. To beat OZ. _For Duo..._ That is why he can continue to fight. For Duo, who would have done the same, who would have given up everything to win the war...and already had. Heero sighs as he repairs his Gundam. No Deathscythe to steal parts from. No Duo to yell at him for it. Pursing his lips, Heero wonders when he will see Duo again...When his turn to die will come...]

_Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend   
Try to black it out, but it plays again   
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal _

[Heero wakes from a nightmare, Duo's death replaying again in his mind. How he had been there, trying to get to him, but unable to stop it from happening. Duo had been hopelessly surrounded. OZ had predicted their move, and had prepared an ambush. They had walked right into a trap. Heero had not been bogged down too heavily, but Duo had taken the brunt of the ambush, quickly being surrounded and captured. Duo's last image over the comm link flashes through Heero's mind. The baka had grinned sadly, blood bubbling from the corner of his mouth. "Sorry, Heero. I guess we can't go on that date tonight, ne? Keep the others safe. And kick OZ's ass for me, would ya?" His last words. He had pressed the self destruct and it had worked for him. Duo and the Deathscythe had been blown to smithereens, along with most of the base. Heero had been too far away to be destroyed. And he had left in a daze, totally confused. Shinagami had met Shinagami. The others had been the ones to go back to get Duo's body. Heero shudders as the image of the exploding Deathscythe becomes ingrained in his memory. Then he breaks down, finally allowing himself to cry. _Duo...I miss you so much, Duo..._]

_Can't imagine all the pain I feel   
I'd give anything to hear half your breath   
I know you're living you life -- after death _

[Heero awakens with a jolt and sits up in the bed that he and Duo once shared. He runs a hand through his hair, vaguely wondering how long he slept. Then he sees Quatre in the doorway. Quatre informs him that he slept for a week. Having had insomnia for an entire year had worn him down. Heero shrugs and refuses to talk to the Arabian, who wishes to know why he hasn't been taking care of himself. Quatre eventually gives up and leaves. Heero sighs and lays back, wishing the ache in his heart would go away. He would give his Gundam to OZ if he just had the chance to see Duo's smiling violet eyes once more. To have the chance to say those three little words that he had neglected to utter. Had been afraid to say. But it's not possible. Duo is gone...in the afterlife, if one existed...Unreachable unless through death...Heero shakes his head. Duo wanted him to stay alive...to help the others win the war.]

_Every step I take, Every move I make   
Every single day, every time I pray -- I'll be missing you   
Thinking of the day, when you went away   
What a life to take, what a bond to break -- I'll be missing you _

[Everything reminds him of the braided pilot. Every second of every day makes Heero's heart ache more. Nothing helps, not even praying to the God that Duo believed in. Heero sighs. He was never taught to believe in religion. He had been taught to trust in logic. Of course, love wasn't logical, and that's what he had shared with Duo. He angrily bangs his head against the wall as the image pops up again, then immediately regrets it. The others will see the bruise, and they're already worried about him.Not that they have any business in it. Quatre has Trowa, Trowa has Quatre, and Wufei has his Nataku. Heero'd had Duo...But not anymore. Heero curses silently. What had he done to deserve this? Why had Duo been taken from him? He throws himself down on the bed and pretends to be asleep as Quatre peeks in. The door closes as the Arabian leaves and a tear slides down the Japanese pilot's cheek. _Duo...I miss you..._]

_It's kinda hard with you not around   
Know you in heaven smiling down   
Watching us while we pray for you _

[Another school. More cover stories. New roommate, one who's totally oblivious to anything but girls. No Duo. Nobody to nag him to sleep, or eat, or, 'for God's sake, Heero, wear something other than those damned spandex'. Nobody around to lighten up the day, to amuse him by playing practical jokes on anybody and everybody. No one to call Wufei 'Wu-man' or mispronounce the Chinese pilot's name just to piss him off. No one to make Quatre blush, Trowa glare, and Wufei squirm with perverted jokes. No one to get drunk with. No one to hold...No one to hold him. Heero looks out the window by his desk, watching the stars. Maybe Duo is up there somewhere...Watching. Maybe.]

_Every day we pray for you   
Til the day we meet again   
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend _

[Heero opens his dresser drawer, keeping one eye on his sleeping roommate, then pulls out his gun. Wrapped around the weapon, he finds a familiar chain. Gold...with a cross. Heero lets it drop to the floor and shoves the gun in a hidden pocket in his spandex that only Duo had known about...And only because... _Don't think about it..!_ Heero bends down and carefully picks up the rosary that his partner had always worn, remembering Duo's words. "Heero, if I ever die...wear this for me...And promise me that you'll get over me." Quatre had given the rosary to him after they had brought Duo's body back. Another thing he'd forgotten, another promise unkept. But at least it's not too late to fulfill this one, though he knew that there was no way to get over Duo. Carefully, he slips the rosary around his neck, then runs out the door. Trowa raises an eyebrow at the rosary. Quatre smiles. Wufei ignores it. They get their Gundams and take off, headed for the next target. Heero, away from their eyes, makes a fist around the rosary, holding that fist to his heart and allowing a tear to slip past his mask of indifference. _Duo..._]

_Memories give me the strength I need to proceed   
The strength I need to believe   
My thoughts B.I.G. I just can't define   
Wish I could turn back the hands of time _

[Heero smiles through the entire mission, destroying the enemy with the gusto that he had once had before, when Duo had been with him. Memories of Duo laughing maniacally, memories of what he would say, all of them keep the Japanese pilot's grief at bay. Then the mission ends and Heero finds himself packing to leave the school, without Duo. He sits on the bed, strength gone. _Why does he have to be dead..?_ Heero fingers the rosary with a sigh, wishing that he could have somehow stopped Duo from self-destructing. Wishing he could have rescued him...Heero finally shakes his head and continues to pack. Life goes on...Death goes on...It's time to move on...]

_Us in the 6th, shopping for new clothes and kicks   
You and me taking flicks, making hits   
Stages they received you on _

[Heero drives the huge rig that houses his Gundam easily, remembering a time when it used to house two Gundams. A time when it had both a driver and a passenger. Heero smiles as he remembers the many times Duo dragged him to shop for clothes. Especially the first time, when he had totally exasperated Duo with his insistance of trying on only tank tops and spandex. Just to piss the American off. And to get back at him for the practical joke Duo had played on him. Baka had to _bleach_ every single pair of black spandex and every green tank top he owned to force him to go shopping. With Duo around there had never been a dull moment. Of course, that hadn't been Duo's _only_ punishment for that. Heero smirks as he remembers the many times he broke or nearly broke the American's nose. He'd always helped Duo set the darned thing, and the American had healed very quickly. Vain baka. All the missions that they'd been called on, all the schools they'd been to, all the times they'd run from and hid from Relena so she'd go away. Duo's hysterical laughter every time he threatened to kill the Queen of the Universe. Especially every time she sent him flowers or letters. Hiding from the stupid spoiled brat was no fun without Duo. Nor was threatening to kill her. Heero sighed, wishing he could shake her off his trail for good. He shakes his head and smiles slightly, remembering how easily Duo made friends. _Better to remember him than to think of her..._ At the funeral, she had dared to show up. Then she had come to him and told him that she was sorry. Heero had glared at her and told her the truth about herself that she just didn't want to acknowledge. "Don't lie. You're glad he's dead. No more competition." Then he had stalked off. At least she hadn't bugged him since then...]

_I still can't believe you're gone   
I'd give anything to hear half your breath   
I know your living you life -- after death _

[Heero curses as he sees the lights that indicate an OZ checkpoint up ahead, then sighs in relief as he realizes that he had forgotten to turn on his lights anyway. They don't know he's there. He veers off into the desert, goes around the checkpoint, then continues on his way. Duo would have known about the checkpoint miles before it actually came up. He sighs, wishing Duo were with him right now. To hear him chatter incessantly, to hear him laugh, to hear him breathe would be worth anything. Heero fingers the rosary again, wondering if Duo's religious beliefs had turned out to be true. Was there a soul? an afterlife? a God? Logic failed when it came to religion, so Heero had always avoided thinking about it. But now, more and more since Duo's death, he finds himself wondering. And hoping...]

_Every step I take, Every move I make   
Every single day, every time I pray -- I'll be missing you   
Thinking of the day, when you went away   
What a life to take, what a bond to break -- I'll be missing you _

[The new school is the same as every other one he's been to. His room mate is basically a delinquent, never in the room. Heero has more time to himself than he has ever had before. More time to sort out his feelings. More time to remember. More time to think. The religion thing still baffles him, but his love for Duo hasn't faded. If anything, it's grown stronger. Every time he remembers Duo, he finds a new thing he adored about the American pilot. Things he wishes he'd noticed when Duo was alive. He remembers the day Duo died, and admires the way his partner refused to show pain or fear in the end. Duo had been prepared to die. Duo, so full of life and beautiful, so..._human_, had been prepared to die, when the Perfect Soldier had not been. Heero sighs as he remembers all the times he had criticized Duo for being too loud, too soft, too human. But in the end, Duo had been braver than all of them, prepared to sacrifice himself for the good of the Colonies. Such a young beautiful life cut short, all because of OZ. A mistake OZ will pay for. Heero's eyes blur as he tries to transfer more funds, and he resolutely wipes his tears away. _Duo...I miss you..._]

_Somebody tell me why, on that morning   
when this life is over   
I know -- I'll see your face _

[Heero wakes up on the morning of a mission smiling, feeling happier than he has in a long time. Since Duo died. Somehow, he feels at peace. Almost as if he's just...waiting for something. Something good. Duo's face floats in his mind, which is strange. For over a year, Heero has not been able to picture Duo's face. Now he can see it clearly, as if Duo were there with him. Quatre exchanges a look with Trowa as they prepare for the mission. Even Wufei shoots Heero a look. But the mission must go on, so they leave. They attack the base hard, then realize it's a trap too late. The same kind of trap that had killed Duo. Only, this time, Heero's in the hot seat. He smiles, then opens a comm link to the others. "Win the war. Do it for Duo and for me." He hears Quatre's yell as he presses the button that sends him into oblivion. _I'm coming, Duo..._]

_Every night I pray, every step I take   
Every move I make, every single day  
Every move I make, every single day   
Every move I make..._

> 


	2. My Lover's Gone 6702

My Lover's Gone

By Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: If I were the owner of Gundam Wing, or the lyrics to Dido's _My Lover's Gone_, I certainly wouldn't be writing this fanfic for free! If you want to sue me for my use (or misuse) of the above, here is a list of what you will win: a beaten up Star Trek novel, 200 Pixie Stix wrappers, and some lesbian romance novels. Not interested? I kinda figured.

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_My lover's gone  
His boots no longer by my door_

[I keep expecting him to walk in at any moment, his blue eyes filled with happiness and a smile on his beautiful face. He's three hours late. The mission shouldn't have lasted this long. I know that the others are staring at me as I pace, worried as well. Not only for Quatre, but for me as well. I never show very much emotion, so my worry is rubbing off on them. I'm being selfish, I know. Duo went with Quatre, and Heero is just as worried. He's just showing it in a way other than pacing. He's busy hacking into the OZ information network to try to find out what happened. Wufei is also worried, but not as worried as we are. He's sharpening his katana. The noise is getting on my nerves. _Scrape . . . Scrape . . ._ Heero finally levels one of his glares at him, and Wufei stops.]

_He left at dawn  
And as I slept I felt him go_

[Quatre had accidentally woken me up as he had been getting ready for the mission early in the morning. Briefly, only. He told me to go back to sleep, and I obeyed. The last I saw thing I saw before falling asleep was his back, exiting the room as he left on the mission. The image is engrained in my mind. I punch the wall, startling both Heero and Wufei. Wufei gets up and makes me sit, then goes into the kitchen, returning with tea. I stare into the cup. As I take a drink, the front door opens, and I choke. Duo runs in, his face flushed. At my immediate and obvious question, his face falls. The mission was a total failure that resulted in Quatre's capture. Deathscythe had been badly damaged and Duo had been forced to retreat. My cup of tea shatters against the wall and I run out the door. I need to save Quatre. I won't give him up so easily. Not him--my love, my happiness. He's the one thing in the world that matters to me, and I will destroy any who hurt him.]

_Returns no more  
I will not watch the ocean_

[Heero and Wufei followed me, joining me in my quest to save Quatre. Duo couldn't come. He was left with the task of cleaning up the safehouse and getting the hell out of there in case OZ managed to extract information from Quatre. He's being tortured, probably at this very second. But my love is too stubborn to give up valuable information. I leave my Gundam miles from the base, camouflaged. I crouch on Wing's shoulder for the rest of the trip. We finally reach the base. It's partially demolished, but not as badly damaged as it should be. Sandrock lay near the edge of the destruction, badly damaged. I jump to the ground and take off as Heero and Wufei attack the base, creating a distraction that will hopefully buy me time to get Quatre out of there.]

_My lover's gone,   
No earthly ships will ever  
Bring him home again  
Bring him home again_

[The few OZ soldiers that notice me and decide to try to stop me die swiftly. I'm getting worried. Where the hell is Quatre?! He should be able to hear the Gundams attacking and be escaping . . . unless he's unable to escape. The thought makes me move faster. I feel a sense of hopelessness; how can I find him in this huge complex? I have no idea where to even _begin_ to look. Suddenly I Feel something brush my mind . . . Something that Feels very much like Quatre, though it is hard to tell with the amount of pain in the Touch. I catch the direction and hurry toward him. The guards stationed outside the room he's in don't even see me coming; they're dead before they hit the floor. I quickly open the door to find two more guards, whom I easily dispose of. Quatre is hanging shirtless on the wall, his arms shackled above his head and his feet suspended above the floor. I search the bodies for keys, and quickly unshackle him, catching him gently.]

_My lover's gone  
I know that kiss will be my last_

[His eyes open as I gently cradle him in my arms. He smiles at me weakly, then winces. I gently caress his cheek with my palm, giving him the smile that is reserved for him only. He shivers, and I check his injuries, which do not seem to be serious, though he probably has internal injuries. I kiss his lips gently. "I'm going to get you out of here, koi. Just hold on." A small moan escapes him as I gather him in my arms and run toward the exit. I run from the building and Zero immediately destroys the structure then lowers a hand for me to climb onto. Wufei is towing Sandrock. Heero takes us back to Heavyarms and I gently strap Quatre into the harness with me and we start toward the new safehouse.]

_No more his song  
The tune upon his lips has passed_

[I frown as I hear Quatre's labored breathing and lean around him to look at him. His face is very pale--much paler than it should be--and his eyes are closed. His head lolls back against my shoulder. "Quatre?" His blue eyes open partially. "Quatre, you have to stay awake."

[He smiles at me brightly. "I can't . . ." He presses his forehead against my neck. "I love you, Trowa . . ." I have the strangest feeling, fleetingly, that this is the last time I will ever hear his voice. He lightly kisses my cheek and I feel his eyelashes brush the side of my face as his eyes close.

[I immediately drop the controls, gently trying to wake him. "Quatre! You have to wake up!" But he doesn't listen. He's stopped breathing. "No . . ." I try to resuscitate him, but it doesn't work. And--for the first time since I was a child--I cry.]

_I sing alone  
While I watch the ocean_

[Heero ended up towing me back, because I couldn't pilot. The safehouse is a beach house. Quatre is laid out on the couch, his angelic beauty only accented by the paleness of death. His body . . . Not Quatre. Quatre is gone. I can't take this. I failed him. I promised I would always protect him; that I would never let anyone hurt him. I broke that promise. I sit with my back to the empty shell that was Quatre, staring out the window at the ocean. At the waves. I would do anything to have him back. To hear his laugh. To hear his heartbeat. But nothing can grant that wish. I could always take the easy way out and follow him into death, but I know he wouldn't want that. Nor would he want me to seek revenge. This is war. War destroys lives. How many families have we devastated? Perhaps this was fated to happen. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

["Ecclesiastes, 3:1-8." I turn to see Duo standing behind me with a somber look on his face. "Also known as the song _Turn! Turn! Turn!_ by the Byrds."

[I nod. "Quatre loved those old songs." I sigh. "It's hard to believe he's gone." Duo just nods, silent for once. "I'm going to take him home. To the Maguanacs. We'll bury him there, where he'll be remembered as a hero." Duo smiled slightly and nodded.]

_My lover's gone  
No earthly ships will ever   
Bring him home again  
Bring him home again_

* * *

I dislike this fic intensely, but I've found that people tend to like the stuff I write that I hate. That and the fact that I'm way too self-depreciating when it comes to my work convinced me to post this . . .


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